I have started and not finished so many blog posts since I last wrote. Upshot is, life has become really busy again. I just about get to the end of my excuses when suddenly I have run out of time and have to go.
last night I watched a documentary on BBC2 called A Time To Live. If you have a vpn you can set to UK you can watch it here
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b08r3xyv/a-time-to-live
sorry but faffing about trying to make links and photos look nice from my phone is something that ends up taking up far too much time and pushing me over my allocated blogging time if I am going to have a shot and getting back to this little corner of the web I am going to have to take it back to basics!!
I loved the documentary, it is 12 stories of people living with terminal illness and on the bbc2 site you can watch extended versions of each interview. It gave me so much food for thought and really spoke to that part of me that wants to move on from cancer but also wants to hang on to that glimpse of a better way to appreciate life that I feel I gained when I was living through treatment. The glimpse I have since worried about losing, know I am losing. I don’t want to just forget what happened and go back to the day to day forgetting to savor the moments or make memories and not just get my house in order but keep it in order. Because I really sympathize with a lot of the views expressed, that the world can seem a brighter and more beautiful place when you are forced to face up to the fact your life might not be as long as you had hoped. That impulse I had to organize my photos for the kids, make them blankets or other tangible reminders of me. In the back of the mind of anyone who has gone through cancer is the threat of it coming back. I know it might and while I don’t want that thought to be a negative I can use it to make sure I keep living and enjoying the time I do have, and don’t wait until I am finally given an expiry date.
Watch it, tell me what you think, I would love
to hear your thoughts x
birdie and the optimist 
I watched most of it until the BBC caught my cheating IP. I intend to continue from a computer soon. It’s very, very good. I was making notes. I am in the five year surveillance, but even long before I met cancer I had already started trying to understand death and life. My first success was my grandfather. I feel I managed to build good memories of what we meant to each other. When he passed I had done a lot of things with him that gave me the peace that he knew he had a great son that appreciated him very much. That was a first step in my learning. I eventually learnt that death can also come to younger people not expected to leave soon, and then that it was me the one that could leave too. I now try to live being prepared for leaving, even when my departure is not expected by me or my doctors. I am glad you are doing well and that the blog will be closing for that reason. Feel good, enjoy life and live a good life.
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