Well doesn’t this suck

Day 4 after my second round of IV chemo and I am feeling more than a little over it all.  It is just boring.  The boys have been out all day and I have been bored and lonely and so looking forward to seeing them and then they come in, already in trouble because of some last minute homework the oldest didn’t tell us he had.  This is a recurring theme at the moment, not telling us what homework there is, not bringing home the right books.  He is only 8. But I have never parented an 8 year old before. I have no idea if we are too hard or too soft. The truth is probably far too soft for too long and then too hard.

And on top of the usual dithering about how the hell we are supposed to know what to do there is the worry about whether any of this is really about homework at all. I ask him if he has questions, if he is worried but he doesn’t say much. And then tonight after shouting and tears and cuddles and reassurances he suddenly had so many questions. How much longer? I didn’t think it would be like this.. You on the sofa so tired everyday.  When will you be better??  Will your hair fall out? what is it like when your hair falls out?  Have we known anyone else to have this treatment?  He wants to know that when my ileostomy is reversed my tummy will be perfect again.  I wish so much it didn’t bother him, but it really does.  I thought it would bother me and it doesn’t really. It is just necessary.  My husband and the wee one don’t seem to care either. But O does. He really does.  And I have no idea what to do or say to make it better.



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